“Chalant” Dating: Trying is Attractive

search interest in the word “chalant” skyrocketed 217% in 2025, indicating that daters are prioritizing effort and proactivity.

The term "chalant" isn't commonly used in everyday vernacular, but it's come up recently in reference to a new dating trend: "chalant dating." As you were probably able to deduce, chalant dating encourages daters to throw away the effortless cool-girl persona and instead make a genuine effort. It aims to be the opposite of nonchalance, defined as "having an air of indifference or unconcern." Daters practicing chalant dating show up proactively, say exactly how they feel, and seek the same energy in return.

This trend is a direct response to a culture that has long taught us to "play hard to get," encouraging practices like the Three Day Rule (i.e., waiting three days after a first date to follow up, an objectively awful idea). There's something oddly transactional going on there: the idea that if we create the illusion of higher demand (seeming busier, like we have plenty of options), we come across as higher value. In reality, most people on the receiving end find it rude and disinteresting. If you're serious about a relationship, you aren't going to play games to get someone's attention. This approach erodes trust and creates confusion, more likely to result in a situationship rather than a real, lasting connection.

The advice we were given simply hasn't been working.

So daters are trying something new: putting in effort and expecting the same in return. Chalant dating means showing up enthusiastically and with your intentions upfront. Women in particular care tremendously about effort: Hinge's recent research found that 72% of women across sexualities care more about a potential partner's effort in building a relationship than their income. People are optimizing for proactivity over almost every other quality, including the ones we've traditionally assumed matter most.

One more note from your matchmaker friend: people who are genuinely ready for a relationship and interested in you won't be scared off by proactivity. If you're hesitant to try chalant dating, remind yourself that pretending not to be interested is quite literally not working, based on the data we have. Scaring off avoidant or game-playing daters isn't a negative outcome, even if it means fewer second dates. Couch yourself in the understanding that the right person for you will share in your excitement to build a connection.

Feeling ready for something truly proactive? Reach out to learn more about our matchmaking services, where we guarantee introductions to people who excite you and check all your boxes.